no longer silenced movement

Empowering Child Abuse Survivors and Promoting Awareness

Tag: compassion

Emotions Behind Abuse

When asked how she felt right before she left her abuser on http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/03/quotes-on-abuse-from-survivors/ ….”Guilt, relief, and pity. I told myself there was nothing else I could do for him, because he would either kill me or I’d kill myself before I even graduated high school.” ~Alexandra

People who look at abuse on the outside, can’t understand how people endure it for so long. They can’t understand why victims feel guilt, about the world gaining knowledge that someone they loved and looked up to, is an abuser. The world is not black and white, and abuse is not so simple. Outsiders might see it as weakness, but I assure you, it’s not.

The reason a victim feels the way they do comes from a number of things, but they have a much better understanding on what goes on in the human mind than you think. They understand concepts you have to experience to even consider. They see their abuser, and they realize, there’s something wrong with them, and they need help. More times than not, an abuser has been abused themselves, and the vicious cycle grows and continue to mark an ugly family tradition.

It’s not to make an excuse for their abuser, or any abuser…in life we all have experiences that lead us to decisions, and no matter what it is that happened to us, we make that decision, and will be the ones to face the consequences of that decision. To be clear, I’m not writing this in the hopes that an outsider will understand, though I wish they would…I’m instead, writing this for any and all victims of abuse. If you’ve ever felt pathetic or weak based on society’s opinion, I’m here to tell you, you’re not. Never for a second, forget that you’re anything but strong and courageous, and people around the World do understand you. You’re never alone in this.

Day 16-21 the End of the Challenge

Sorry for the delay everyone! When I spent time with my nephew last week, he ended up getting sick, and then I caught it! Due to the lateness, I’ll be including Day 16-21 of the challenge. I hope this challenge has really helped in you some way, and that you push yourself to grow each and every day, never letting the World knock you down!

Day 16- What’s one thing you’ve done, no matter how small, to help someone, that you’re particularly proud of?

Day 17- Write a letter to the person you love most, or that you look up to the most. How have they helped you?

Day 18- Write the scene of something relaxing. What do you think of when you need a break?

Day 19- Imagine you’re giving a lecture to a middle school. Not about a particular subject, but of life in general. What would you tell them?

Day 20- What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, so much so that it’s a life goal? What’s keeping you from doing it?

Day 21- Any younger generation in your family, or your own children…what do you want them to think of when they think of you and how do you intend on leaving that mark on them?

Judgement Free Zone

I read a news article today. It was about a girl, who was 17, who went missing Thursday. The reporter wrote about how she’d been found at her friends house. She was in an argument with her mother. She left her phone and all of her belongings that she had on her at the dance studio she went to, where she was last seen.

Whenever I read something like this, I think in a compassionate way, what led the child to run away? What was the argument about? Did her mother behave aggressively when in an argument? Was her side not being heard? Was she extremely disrespected and verbally abused in arguments with her mother? Was she having a hard time at home? I always try and think free of assumptions, because all I know is what the reporter told me, but as with everything, there’s a lot of background information to how things come to be.

I scrolled through the comments. I need to stop doing that. I know I can’t change everyone. I know I can’t make everyone care…but I can’t read what was written about her be left without a response, because maybe my voice was what needed to be hear to change someone’s opinion.

The comments were along the lines of “She should have to pay for the police use”, “She should be ashamed of herself the selfish spoiled brat”, “She better be grounded for a year”, “She should be spanked”, “She better get a beating for that”…and comments attacking the daughter. I was 17 once. It was when my anxiety really started to develop. I did exceptional in school…but when I turned 18 things were different, I had a lot of growing up to do. Why is this girl to blame? What did she do? And what did the people that said such cruel things actually know?

My point is, don’t judge a situation by a detail or two that you may know. Some of the most abusive or hurtful households, can be the ones we suspect the least. Be free of judgement and conscientious of the fact that we don’t have all the answers without thorough questioning, compassion, and research. Be Kind.

The Father’s Day Problem

For many, Father’s Day is dedicated to appreciate the dad that’s helped them grow, that’s supported them in every way, and has taught them how they should be treated, for them we hope tomorrow is a day to appreciate what they have, and congratulate them. There are a good amount however, whom are not so lucky. They live in fear of their father. They’ve escaped their father. They’ve never known their father, or they wish that they hadn’t.

 

While tomorrow may bring pain, it can bring quiet reminders of strength and resilience as well. You endured it, but you’re still here. Things aren’t perfect, but you’re trying. While you may not have a loving father, there are those that love you. If today makes you sad, let it happen, you have a right to all of your emotions…but at the end of the day remember how far you’ve come and how much you’ve accomplished, and to do that without a loving and supportive father is nothing short of awe inspiring.

 

You’re not alone, you’ll never be alone, there’s always somebody you’ll be able to find and talk to and while they might not entirely understand, they’ll practice compassion and you’ll be able to feel at ease once more.

 

You are loved, you are important, and you do mean a lot to someone.