no longer silenced movement

Empowering Child Abuse Survivors and Promoting Awareness

Tag: Awareness

Emotions Behind Abuse

When asked how she felt right before she left her abuser on http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/03/quotes-on-abuse-from-survivors/ ….”Guilt, relief, and pity. I told myself there was nothing else I could do for him, because he would either kill me or I’d kill myself before I even graduated high school.” ~Alexandra

People who look at abuse on the outside, can’t understand how people endure it for so long. They can’t understand why victims feel guilt, about the world gaining knowledge that someone they loved and looked up to, is an abuser. The world is not black and white, and abuse is not so simple. Outsiders might see it as weakness, but I assure you, it’s not.

The reason a victim feels the way they do comes from a number of things, but they have a much better understanding on what goes on in the human mind than you think. They understand concepts you have to experience to even consider. They see their abuser, and they realize, there’s something wrong with them, and they need help. More times than not, an abuser has been abused themselves, and the vicious cycle grows and continue to mark an ugly family tradition.

It’s not to make an excuse for their abuser, or any abuser…in life we all have experiences that lead us to decisions, and no matter what it is that happened to us, we make that decision, and will be the ones to face the consequences of that decision. To be clear, I’m not writing this in the hopes that an outsider will understand, though I wish they would…I’m instead, writing this for any and all victims of abuse. If you’ve ever felt pathetic or weak based on society’s opinion, I’m here to tell you, you’re not. Never for a second, forget that you’re anything but strong and courageous, and people around the World do understand you. You’re never alone in this.

The Silent Fight In America

Have you ever noticed how many arguments Americans involve themselves in Daily? There’s abortion, race, and the welfare system, oh and immigration, that I see people have everyday. The fight I rarely see? The one about child abuse, advocating for abused children, and foster kids (as a good amount of them come from abusive homes. I’m not saying the people I know advocating against child abuse aren’t doing a good job. Nicolette alone is inspiring people everyday, all while being in graduate school, and a pet owner(which might not seem like a huge commitment, but she treats her dog how I treat mine, and that requires constant attention); but child abuse is one of the few causes that, if you’re not a volunteer or your job doesn’t involve the subject, nobody has an opinion on it.

It’s weird to think how many people have an opinion about every topic, but not this one. It’s as if they don’t see it as a huge deal. If you looking at the statistics in the blogs bio (included by Nicolette via childhelp.org) you see how statistically speaking, those abused are more likely to have a child young, do drugs, and be imprisoned for one reason or another; ironic because those three fall back on everyone’s major problem with the welfare system. Of course there’s many survivors that become empowered by their tragedies, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to overcome abuse in a positive way without support system. When abused children are taken from their homes, they enter foster care…each year, an average of 20,000 kids, age out of foster care, never having a family, this traces back to another argument, about reproduction, but I don’t see anybody jumping forward to adopt the kids who need it most. Is it because they’re no longer babies? Giving a child coming out of a traumatic family home can help them to build this positive atmosphere for themselves, and to never give up, no matter what struggles they face.

Day 16-21 the End of the Challenge

Sorry for the delay everyone! When I spent time with my nephew last week, he ended up getting sick, and then I caught it! Due to the lateness, I’ll be including Day 16-21 of the challenge. I hope this challenge has really helped in you some way, and that you push yourself to grow each and every day, never letting the World knock you down!

Day 16- What’s one thing you’ve done, no matter how small, to help someone, that you’re particularly proud of?

Day 17- Write a letter to the person you love most, or that you look up to the most. How have they helped you?

Day 18- Write the scene of something relaxing. What do you think of when you need a break?

Day 19- Imagine you’re giving a lecture to a middle school. Not about a particular subject, but of life in general. What would you tell them?

Day 20- What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, so much so that it’s a life goal? What’s keeping you from doing it?

Day 21- Any younger generation in your family, or your own children…what do you want them to think of when they think of you and how do you intend on leaving that mark on them?

Day 13, 14, & 15 of the 21 Day Survivor Challenge

Day 13- What book has inspired you and made a positive impact on your life and why?

Day 14- Has there been a fictional survivor (from any experience, not necessarily a fictional child abuse story) that has helped you to heal, or that is a “fictional role model” to you?

Day 15- Write a letter, not one to send, to your abuser, what have you always wanted to say to them? What do you think you could say that will help you to get closure?

blog1111

Thank You

This post will be short and sweet. We just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond to our previous post!

All of your insights were very helpful, and we truly appreciate all of the support you give us! If you were unable to see our last blog, we reached out to our audience in order to see what helps you or anyone deal with life after abuse. Everybody deals with things differently, so getting a variety of opinions was definitely insightful. If you’d still like to respond, we would love to hear from you!

How To Recover From Abuse

For this post, we want to hear from you. We’ve had an excellent growing support system for the No Longer Silenced Movement, and hope to continue that momentum. The founder, Nicolette for any who may not know, is working on building a program designated to those recovering from abuse. In order to do so, we need to know what works for you.

What works for one, won’t for another, but combined, we can find a recovery path for everyone, and work towards helping survivors of child abuse further.

So, What worked for you?

If you’re currently a survivor of child abuse, we’d love your insights!

What did you do? Did Therapy help? Any books? What did you feel after? What still helps you today? What activity eases your reminders of your past, while still feeling them?

We’d love to hear from you!

Back to School

Kids are back to school…and it might be what they’ve dreaded all summer, but for some, it’s an escape. Even if it’s better than home, it doesn’t mean they’ll comply or work hard, most likely they’ll do the opposite (statistically speaking). If you work in a school, and have started back, make sure you remember this when you’re settling in. What a kid does or says to you, isn’t always a reaction towards you, and reading into their behavior can be what saves them. Being a Teacher is one of the most influential jobs pertaining to a child’s life, and also one of the most unappreciated.

It’s not your job to make sure their home life is good, but when you see the signs by spending the majority of your day with them, you can change their life. It’s extra work, with the potential to make a serious difference. Despite how a child behaves towards you, keep it in the bank of your mind that there’s a reason behind each behavior.

It’s limitless what a teacher can do for a child’s life. The ones who’ve made a difference in mind, I keep with me everyday. Good luck this school year, and remember each day that every action a child does, there’s a motivation behind it. Don’t take it personal, don’t let it stress you or bring you down, it’s not you, but whatever it is, you’ll eventually be able to figure it out and move forward with what you know. Breathe and relax, and the answers will come.

Judgement Free Zone

I read a news article today. It was about a girl, who was 17, who went missing Thursday. The reporter wrote about how she’d been found at her friends house. She was in an argument with her mother. She left her phone and all of her belongings that she had on her at the dance studio she went to, where she was last seen.

Whenever I read something like this, I think in a compassionate way, what led the child to run away? What was the argument about? Did her mother behave aggressively when in an argument? Was her side not being heard? Was she extremely disrespected and verbally abused in arguments with her mother? Was she having a hard time at home? I always try and think free of assumptions, because all I know is what the reporter told me, but as with everything, there’s a lot of background information to how things come to be.

I scrolled through the comments. I need to stop doing that. I know I can’t change everyone. I know I can’t make everyone care…but I can’t read what was written about her be left without a response, because maybe my voice was what needed to be hear to change someone’s opinion.

The comments were along the lines of “She should have to pay for the police use”, “She should be ashamed of herself the selfish spoiled brat”, “She better be grounded for a year”, “She should be spanked”, “She better get a beating for that”…and comments attacking the daughter. I was 17 once. It was when my anxiety really started to develop. I did exceptional in school…but when I turned 18 things were different, I had a lot of growing up to do. Why is this girl to blame? What did she do? And what did the people that said such cruel things actually know?

My point is, don’t judge a situation by a detail or two that you may know. Some of the most abusive or hurtful households, can be the ones we suspect the least. Be free of judgement and conscientious of the fact that we don’t have all the answers without thorough questioning, compassion, and research. Be Kind.

“Faith is why I…

“Faith is why I’m here today and faith is why I made it through.”

-Jonathan Anthony Burkett

We can’t go through life thinking that if we’ve been let down before, it will continue. No Longer Silenced Movement is a way to remind those who have been abused of this. You should never lose faith in yourself. You have to have faith that you can overcome anything. It’ okay to lose your way sometimes…we all do that…but just remember that you survived from abuse, you will get through everything. Whenever we attempt to accomplish a goal, we come across road blocks. While we’re at these road blocks alls we can see is how many more road blocks we need to make it through, how much more time it’ll take, how much more work it’ll take, but we rarely look back and consider our progress. Very few times do we take a minute to think of all of the roadblocks we’ve already overcome…very few times do we look back and see how much work we’ve already done and how much we’ve already accomplished. You have to be able to remember all that you’ve done, if you’ve taken even one step in the right direction…you’ve done something great! You can achieve your goal if you keep doing everything you’ve done to make the first step. If you take the first step to get help, or talk to people who were also abused, you’ve accomplished something big. You’ve taken a huge step to help yourself…keep going in the right direction and never lose faith.

A Lifelong Journey

You-feel-your-strength-in-the-experience-500x300

Recently I’ve come across people who don’t seem to understand the battle that a Child Abuse Survivor faces after they’re no longer being abused anymore. The misconception that the pain is gone is not a new concept…but it needs to be addressed. There’s no painful experience that you don’t carry with you even after you’ve survived.

From anxiety to depression to serious lack of trust…survivors continue to struggle throughout their lives. As you know, victims handle trauma in different ways, but one thing is for sure, nobody comes out the same way they came in; For Good or for bad, change is inevitable.

If you have a friend whose a survivor, don’t forget to let them know you care.

If you know a current victim, don’t forget how much you can help them by speaking up.

No matter where you come from or who you meet, everybody needs a hand sometimes, everybody feels pain, don’t assume because a current situation is good, that they didn’t endure darkness.