no longer silenced movement

Empowering Child Abuse Survivors and Promoting Awareness

Tag: abuse

If You Ever Need Someone To Talk To

Since it’s a Friday night, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. If you ever need somebody to talk to, never feel bad about reaching out. We’re here to support you. We’re here to help you. No matter who you are. No matter what you’re going through, don’t ever think you’re alone.

No tragedy is the same, no bad childhood can be compared, and nobody can really say they understand your depression and anxiety exactly as is…while all that is true, we still can support each other. We can lend a listening ear, when it feels like you’re world is falling apart. When you feel so unloved, getting out of bed is too difficult to bear, read some posts and remind yourself, that there are people out there…people you’ve never met, who want you to know how special you are, and how much you are not alone, even though it may feel that way.

You get this life, and you’re handed a deck of cards, and sometimes, no matter how great of a person you are, you’re deck can and will royally suck…and what’s worse is the people who put themselves above all will get the most incredible and unfair deck, and it will make you feel worse, it’ll make you want to give up…but that’s when you need to try harder. No matter what you’re experiencing, I promise, there’s somebody out there that understands how you feel. Don’t give up on yourself. never ever give up on yourself.

Regardless of how you feel in this moment, remember all of this, and make your life the most beautiful comeback story anyone has ever seen.

The Popular Opinion On The Foster Care System

A lot of people judge the foster care system, and say how much it needs to be fixed. It is a broken system, there’s no question about it, but for good reason…. THERE’S SO MANY KIDS IN IT. It’s such an overcrowded system, that many children stay in abusive or unfit homes, because there’s no place for them to go. The foster system might need to be fixed, but what really needs fixing is the people having the children that end up dealing with this pain.

It’s easy to blame a sector of the government for our problems, it seems to be the go-to blame game target, but how much can they really do with that overflow? It would help to have more foster parents, that’s a beautiful thing, and for further education about adopting children that aren’t babies, or “fresh from the mom”. If there’s more outreach about saving a child, at an older age, maybe it will help these kids get adopted, and into permanent loving homes.

Though some people like to ignore this fact, there are so many children without loving homes, and that go through life, never having a loving home. I hope in the next decade the world sees this. That they understand how many kids are born, and then after some time, have no place to go, and nobody tries to adopt. No child should age out of the foster care system. That’s a horrible scenario. Nobody should go on without a family, and go through life never having the luxury of seeing families on the holidays or having parents at that wedding. Don’t forget about the kids that so many continue to forget, they deserve far more love than they’ve gotten.

Emotions Behind Abuse

When asked how she felt right before she left her abuser on http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2013/03/quotes-on-abuse-from-survivors/ ….”Guilt, relief, and pity. I told myself there was nothing else I could do for him, because he would either kill me or I’d kill myself before I even graduated high school.” ~Alexandra

People who look at abuse on the outside, can’t understand how people endure it for so long. They can’t understand why victims feel guilt, about the world gaining knowledge that someone they loved and looked up to, is an abuser. The world is not black and white, and abuse is not so simple. Outsiders might see it as weakness, but I assure you, it’s not.

The reason a victim feels the way they do comes from a number of things, but they have a much better understanding on what goes on in the human mind than you think. They understand concepts you have to experience to even consider. They see their abuser, and they realize, there’s something wrong with them, and they need help. More times than not, an abuser has been abused themselves, and the vicious cycle grows and continue to mark an ugly family tradition.

It’s not to make an excuse for their abuser, or any abuser…in life we all have experiences that lead us to decisions, and no matter what it is that happened to us, we make that decision, and will be the ones to face the consequences of that decision. To be clear, I’m not writing this in the hopes that an outsider will understand, though I wish they would…I’m instead, writing this for any and all victims of abuse. If you’ve ever felt pathetic or weak based on society’s opinion, I’m here to tell you, you’re not. Never for a second, forget that you’re anything but strong and courageous, and people around the World do understand you. You’re never alone in this.

The Silent Fight In America

Have you ever noticed how many arguments Americans involve themselves in Daily? There’s abortion, race, and the welfare system, oh and immigration, that I see people have everyday. The fight I rarely see? The one about child abuse, advocating for abused children, and foster kids (as a good amount of them come from abusive homes. I’m not saying the people I know advocating against child abuse aren’t doing a good job. Nicolette alone is inspiring people everyday, all while being in graduate school, and a pet owner(which might not seem like a huge commitment, but she treats her dog how I treat mine, and that requires constant attention); but child abuse is one of the few causes that, if you’re not a volunteer or your job doesn’t involve the subject, nobody has an opinion on it.

It’s weird to think how many people have an opinion about every topic, but not this one. It’s as if they don’t see it as a huge deal. If you looking at the statistics in the blogs bio (included by Nicolette via childhelp.org) you see how statistically speaking, those abused are more likely to have a child young, do drugs, and be imprisoned for one reason or another; ironic because those three fall back on everyone’s major problem with the welfare system. Of course there’s many survivors that become empowered by their tragedies, but it’s not easy. It’s hard to overcome abuse in a positive way without support system. When abused children are taken from their homes, they enter foster care…each year, an average of 20,000 kids, age out of foster care, never having a family, this traces back to another argument, about reproduction, but I don’t see anybody jumping forward to adopt the kids who need it most. Is it because they’re no longer babies? Giving a child coming out of a traumatic family home can help them to build this positive atmosphere for themselves, and to never give up, no matter what struggles they face.

Day 16-21 the End of the Challenge

Sorry for the delay everyone! When I spent time with my nephew last week, he ended up getting sick, and then I caught it! Due to the lateness, I’ll be including Day 16-21 of the challenge. I hope this challenge has really helped in you some way, and that you push yourself to grow each and every day, never letting the World knock you down!

Day 16- What’s one thing you’ve done, no matter how small, to help someone, that you’re particularly proud of?

Day 17- Write a letter to the person you love most, or that you look up to the most. How have they helped you?

Day 18- Write the scene of something relaxing. What do you think of when you need a break?

Day 19- Imagine you’re giving a lecture to a middle school. Not about a particular subject, but of life in general. What would you tell them?

Day 20- What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn, so much so that it’s a life goal? What’s keeping you from doing it?

Day 21- Any younger generation in your family, or your own children…what do you want them to think of when they think of you and how do you intend on leaving that mark on them?

One

One      As many of you know, in a recent post we addressed child abuse survivors and asked them to tell us what has been the most vital steps in recovering from abuse. What many of you might not be aware of, is the founder of the No Longer Silenced Movement, Nicolette Winn, recently self-published her first in a series of books, aiding child abuse survivors, too live fulfilling and empowering lives after their abuse.

This in no way is saying that anyone forgets their abuse, or miraculously forgets about it one day, and the pain ceases to exist…that doesn’t happen. The weight of tragedy and pain, stays with us for the rest of our lives, but it doesn’t mean that we have to let us destroy us.

This book is available on amazon, I’ll attach the link for your convenience, http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00S75J4F2 .

The book is dedicated to Winn’s younger brother, now 7, in hopes that one day they can build a loving sister-brother bond. Throughout writing the novel, our founder was threatened by both her step mother, and mother, yet she somehow found a way to gain the courage to go through with it anyway, and we couldn’t be more proud!

The book, as our post, is directed to finding ways to encourage survivors of abuse. While some might be stuck or trapped in a way that they cannot reveal the contents of the book, the cover is a way to mask what the book may be about. The book is a way to let survivors know, you’re certainly not alone. Everyone’s story is different but together, we can get through anything.

If anyone you know could use the book, recommend it, share it, let people know the contents are out there, and I hope it helps some of you heal, or someone you love recover.

How To Recover From Abuse

For this post, we want to hear from you. We’ve had an excellent growing support system for the No Longer Silenced Movement, and hope to continue that momentum. The founder, Nicolette for any who may not know, is working on building a program designated to those recovering from abuse. In order to do so, we need to know what works for you.

What works for one, won’t for another, but combined, we can find a recovery path for everyone, and work towards helping survivors of child abuse further.

So, What worked for you?

If you’re currently a survivor of child abuse, we’d love your insights!

What did you do? Did Therapy help? Any books? What did you feel after? What still helps you today? What activity eases your reminders of your past, while still feeling them?

We’d love to hear from you!

Blaming the Kids

I’ve worked at a Charter school, predominantly filled with children from learning disabilities to behavioral issues, basically students that require a more personalized learning experience in order to be successful. Countless times I was told by teachers to now care, countless times (as I was a 1 on 1 aide) I was told I should lose my job, and that I’m not right for it. Throughout the school year, I fought this notion.

I resent the fact that students, not typically easily to deal with, are given 1/10 of the work as other students, and regardless of the work they’d pass in, they’d pass. They’d misbehave, and still get by. They’d pass from grade to grade, learning nothing. That was my problem, the student I had, even though it was more difficult, I structured his school work so he would have to learn, which was the point of school in the first place. It was more difficult, and his grades went down because I chose his requirements, and I didn’t want teachers to just pass him. This made the email arguments saying I should be fired start, but at the end of the day, when he presented, legitimately learning, he was proud of himself, and he did exceptional.

In private, the child would talk to me about his home life, and his dream of becoming a graphical engineer. The way the school was structured, he would never be able to accomplish this. With what his family would take into account, he would never learn, and he would fail.

Everybody blames the kid, for being misbehaved, for not trying in school, for not being motivated…but when you look into it, it’s not the kid’s fault. Not encouraging your child to learn, ruins their life, it doesn’t just make school difficult for them, they feel stupid and don’t want to try, because they’re sick of failing, and if they never learn, how will they move forward or fight for their dreams? That’s the problem, they won’t.

We went from people stable to become parents, to anyone having children. If you’re trying to do what’s best for your child, you’re an incredible parent…but too often I’ve seen immature parents, who’ve never had any responsibility, and they don’t become mature and responsible when their child enters the world. Too many times I’ve seen parents, scream at their kids, or bash the other parent to their face. Too many times, I’ve seen children, dropped off to anyone, so their parents could go out. I’ve seen children abused, with social workers that let the parents sit in the room for an interview, that nobody defends…then there’s the ones who get out of their homes, to go into a poorly structured foster home, and so many have aged out of foster care, never too receive the loving parents that they deserve.

The quality of parents have gone down so far, it’s easier for parents not working to afford a child, that a middle class couple, because that’s how our system is structured, and kids are suffering, each and every day…but few do anything, and it’s the child’s life and future, that statistically speaking, will be far more difficult because of it.

Why You Should Wear Blue Tomorrow, April 4th

Tomorrow is Wear Blue Day!

Wear blue tomorrow to support Child Abuse Prevention. Children without a voice, too young to defend themselves, need people like you to wear blue tomorrow. It’s simple, it’s subtle, but it means so much to kids that feel like nobody is on their side. The more people that follow through, the more recognized prevention efforts will be, and the more support we will get to stop child abuse nationwide. Child Abuse is so often looked over, whether it be in homes, foster care or social workers simply not following through with the work they’re meant to do to help…this day provides us with the opportunity to grow numbers representing our cause.

 

Do what you can for a child tomorrow, wear the color blue, or a blue ribbon, and if anybody asks share with them that it’s to support child abuse prevention, the kinds of abuse, and that not all abuse is seen with the naked eye. If you don’t feel comfortable with your knowledge of child abuse, look through our blog, and share your knowledge of our organization focusing on ending abuse and empowering survivors.

 

 

National Child Abuse Prevention Month; WEAR BLUE

child abuse preventionAs many of you may know, April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Keep in mind as you go about your days tomorrow, that with each step you take, you could walk by a child whose alone, neglected, and emotionally broken. They might not be covered in burns or bruises, they could even be dressed in designer clothes, but that doesn’t mean they’re safe from abuse.

April 4th, this Friday, is National Wear Blue Day for Child Abuse Prevention, if you don’t have any blue clothing, a blue ribbon will do!!! Pinwheels are another symbol of Child Abuse Prevention too!

A symbol so simple, can mean so much to survivors who’ve kept their silence. The more people that stand behind the cause of ending the abuse of children, the more victims will reason they’re never alone, and there’s always somebody to turn to.

April 4th is also the day of the Preliminary Difference Makers Challenge where our event “Kicking Out Child Abuse” (a 1 day soccer tournament empowering survivors of abuse, raising awareness and helping with prevention) will be presented. A total of 9 teams will move onto the Finals. Regardless if we win our lose, we’ll wear blue and present our project proudly.